Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
