i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
he thought i was a dude.
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
