Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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