Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
