i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
