i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
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