so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Randomize
