the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
Randomize
