I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
Randomize
