Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
The 21 Worst Ways People Have Been Dumped
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
19 People Confess The Worst Things They Have Been Accused Of
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!