Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.