8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
15 Things That Could NEVER Happen Anywhere But the South
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
15 Times “Flight of the Conchords” Made You Feel Better About Being a Twenty-Something
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?