The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
23 Bosses Confess The Craziest Thing They’ve Seen An Employee Do
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
19 People Confess What It’s Like To Have Sex With Someone That Is Transitioning
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?