And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
Here’s Everything Coming To Netflix This July
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
19 Of The Creepiest (Most Inexplicable) Things People Experienced
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?