Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
Im just a social blackout drinker.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
