dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
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At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
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