I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
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