Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
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