Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
Are these your boobs on my camera?
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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