he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
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