My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Randomize
