My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
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