He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
She tied me up with her honor cords...
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
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