i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
I said "one day" and that day is not today
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
Randomize
