Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
My breasts were aching with rage.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
Randomize
