Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
I wish you could order shots online.
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Randomize
