my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
Congratulations! We have a period
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
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