i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
