Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
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