fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
Randomize
