Can i not drive my cunt home
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
Edward fifth and chaser hands
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
Randomize
