Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
Randomize
