ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
Randomize
