the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
Randomize
