...so i touched it.
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
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