I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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