hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
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