Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Randomize
