The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Randomize
