Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
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