TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
Randomize
