Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
Randomize
