"it" just moved
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
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