Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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