I faked an abortion last night.
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
Randomize
