Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
