Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
