Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
You ate ashes out of my bong
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Randomize
