sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Randomize
