You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
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they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
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Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
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