On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
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