I heard we made out
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Randomize
