Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Randomize
