I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
Randomize
