A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
Randomize
