i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
oh god was she eating orange peels again
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
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