I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
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