i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Randomize
