I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Randomize
