she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
I need water and some morals
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Randomize
