please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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