you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
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